Home Shopping

I’m not a terribly talented sleeper, which is evidenced by the fact that I experience insomnia on a fairly regular basis. (Something that certain “judgers,” and you know who you are, should keep in mind when they call and find me in bed somewhat late in the morning.)

At any rate, the combination of my sleeplessness and an extremely limited choice of cable TV stations, has resulted in an extensive exposure to infommercials and home shopping networks.

In general, I find this 24/7 method of commerce fascinating. Providing a way for people to spend money at any hour of the day or night without leaving their house, or bed for that matter, seems very American, and probably has at least a little bit to do with why so many people in other countries hate us.

Personally, I love it!

And really, wouldn’t the world be a better place if we could see actors demonstrating everything we bought? Okay, maybe not. But I’ve often found myself in a store wishing it was an option. After all, a cardboard box doesn’t really provide a lot of information, and even less sales motivation. Do I need a new set of sauce pans? Probably not, but that’s not to say that I couldn’t be talked into buying a set by a charismatic sales person with a 1-800 number.

I really like home shopping networks because they’re filmed live, and the fact that so much of what hosts say “on the fly” doesn’t stand up to scrutiny makes it that much better.

When selling a set of rugs, I heard a woman say “these would look great in a home office, in the back entryway, in a kitchen or a starter apartment—and they’re so easy to move! Just roll them right up!” The premise apparently being that most rugs are room-specific, difficult to move, and can’t be rolled up. Hmm.

Inevitably, they mention the fact that the product would make a great gift.

Tonight two women on HSN are demonstrating an electric hand mixer. Mind you, this is very much in the middle of the night, so I admire their energy and seemingly earnest endorsement of the mixer in question. But it cracked me up to hear one of them say “this is something you’ll use everyday.”

Really? I’ve had an electric hand mixer for about eight years. I used it for the very first time last week, and I had to take it out of the box to do so. So much for using it everyday!

Furthermore, I probably shouldn’t mention the fact that the unused mixer was actually something that my sister and brother in-law received as a gift when they got married—especially since I found a wedding card with $50 inside the box—thanks guys!

Kidding...it was only $40.

But seriously, that real-life scenario might lead a person to believe that an electric hand mixer wouldn’t make a good gift at all. Hah, not according to the HSN ladies!

Currently, they’re going on about what a great idea it would be to buy a bunch of mixers as gifts for upcoming events as if, a.) everyone really wants one, and b.) no one already has one.

To listen to them you’d think that hand mixers are highly sought after and quite difficult to come by—something akin to Tickle Me Elmo in years’ past.

I actually heard one of them say “it’s not to early to start thinking about teacher gifts.” Mind you, none of this has helped me get back to sleep, but it does sort of make me glad that I’m not a teacher.

Alas, here I sit with $40 cash burning a hole in my pocket. The mixers are only $19 a piece, so there’s a good chance that come Christmas day two people I know will reap the benefits of my insomnia in the form of, you guessed it, an electric hand mixer.