I ran over this dollar bill while I was mowing the lawn. Not on purpose. In fact, I didn't notice that there was money on the ground until I saw the shredded remains of a former United State's president strewn across my lawn. Ghastly business!
At any rate, I gathered up the pieces (shown above) hoping that I'd be able to do a suitable restoration job with tape (also shown above).
D'oh! So close.
Alas, I remember hearing something about a rule (or whatever) concerning mangled paper money. It may have been an urban legend, or a schoolyard tale, but the story as I remember it, is that you can trade in bills that are ripped or otherwise disfigured as long as a certain portion of the bill remains -- presumably more than half. The serial number also needs to be legible so that the "broken" bill can be "officially removed from circulation."
If the story is true, I should be able to take my taped up $1 bill and my denim-blue $5 bill and trade them in for new, neutrally hued versions. Unfortunately, the story (as I remember it) did not provide details about where such a transaction might take place. A bank maybe? The post office? City hall? Hard to say.
Then again, would it even be worth my time and almost certain embarrassment to do so? I imagine there'd be some level of explanation involved about how the bills came to be in their current, somewhat mutilated, condition. And really, I don't come out looking especially brilliant in either case.
It's also possible that they would they think I'm a small-time counterfeiter trying to hide my artistic deficiencies with blue dye and a lawn mower blade. Hmm, $6 is probably not enough money to risk being added as a "person of interest" to some governmental securities & fraud list.
Yeah, it might be best to lay low about this whole "situation." Especially considering the fact that I've recently had the shredded remains of a former United State's president strewn across my lawn.
3 comments:
Isn't it a felony to mutilate legal tender?
I think you missed the real issue here. Like how did the dollar bill get into your yard in the first place?
Did you have a stripper over AGAIN without inviting me? Damn you woman! What did you do to the poor man that made him leave so quickly that he was dropping money on the way??
Ma'am--I seriously wouldn't refrain from turning that money in and replacing it with "fresh" currency. For two reasons--1) You need the money--with your job situation being the way it is and the current job market, despite the ownership of two VERY impressive degrees, it is quite possible that unemployment and food stamps could be in your future. Hopefully not, but six dollars goes a long way when it comes to the Ramen noodle display at your local Woodmans. With regards to being added to any list, there is absolutely no way this should deter you. Surely the banker would take one look at you and either 1)ask you if you need help finding your mommy or 2) upon examining the mess of Scotch tape and paper, dismiss you as a doofus who got lost on her way to catch the "short bus"--perhaps this could work to your advantage though and earn you either some sympathy dollars in addition to the ones they replace or, at the very least, a red lollipop from the teller!!!!!!
Your ever-supportive friend,
Anonymous
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