I've noticed a strange thing in the bathroom lately -- no, it has nothing to do with the corn! What I've noticed is that the handicap accessible stalls are at the furthest end of any given restroom. This seems odd when you consider the individuals for whom the stalls are intended.

I assume that if you "qualify" to use the handicap stalls, that you have mobility limitations. To me, it doesn't really make sense to make people with limited mobility travel an extra distance to reach the "more convenient" stall. In most cases, I'd have to think the closest stall would be the most convenient.

Where we work, the restrooms are quite large, so a person wishing to use a handicap stall is required to pass up to nine non-handicap stalls to take advantage of the accessibility benefit. Jeez, talk about having to plan ahead!

I know the handicap stalls are designed to provide extra room. I also know that the larger stalls are placed at the end to take full advantage of the space available. It's really the only way the bigger stalls will fit. Well, short of placing a large "walk through" stall at the beginning of the row, which really, probably wouldn't be very popular.

There's a reason for my recent preoccupation with handicap stalls. You see, there was a bit of an incident involving a handicap stall. It happened to me a few weeks ago.

I was at a somewhat sketchy Chinese restaurant in Beloit. When I went to the restroom, I found that stall #1 seemed to be designed without the proportions of a standard human in mind. You see, the door was less than six inches from the commode. As such, it didn't seem suited to "sitting." Hey, no problem. I just stepped in to stall #2, the larger, handicap accessible stall.

As luck would have it, during the short time that I was in the stall, the door to the restroom opened. Being a relatively small space, I immediately saw the wheels of one of those walker things under the door. Yeah, the walker things that handicap people use!!

Can you believe it? I'm such an ass! There I was depriving an actual handicapped person of their special stall. Jeez!

I had to get out, quick! Thankfully, those Kegel exercises paid off -- I was able to stop mid-stream, but it wasn't fast enough! I figured she'd wait, if for no other reason than to yell at me for being a stupid selfish ass -- and I do realize that I fully deserved to be yelled at.

But no, she didn't wait. Instead, she started to maneuver herself into the stall. Clunk, clunck, clunck with the walker thing. Oh yeah, thanks for making me feel worse! A little passive aggressive much?

Seriously, I've never felt like a bigger heel in my life. And as a result, I will never use a handicap stall again.

Anyway, she must have been a Yoga master, because somehow, she managed to fit into stall #1.