Short and sweet

Okay, the canker sore cures I've come across are a little dicey. So while I still don't know how to make a canker sore feel better, I know for a fact that eating Tootsie Rolls makes them feel worse. Arrgghhh!!

So why, in the face of increasing pain, do I keep eating Tootsie Rolls? Well, I'm mature enough to not only recognize, but also freely admit, that I have Tootsie Roll "issues."

Which is a nice way of saying I'm an addict.

I haven't always been like this, well, not with Tootsie Rolls anyway. You see, my "candy of choice" has changed over the years. My "gateway" candy may have been the Smarties they gave to kids at the bank when I was little; it's hard to say for sure. But by the mid 80s I was consuming vast quantities of Cinnamon Bears. I also had a pretty significant bout with Candy Corn in the early 90s-- I call it "sugar maze," and would eat it by the bag until my brain burned! You'd think a person would outgrow such a thing, but as recently as a few years ago I was hitting the Bit-O-Honeys pretty hard, and can still name every store in Janesville that sells them. And I'm ashamed to say that this past Fall I stopped at three different stores, with my nephew in tow, before I found one that sold Maple Nut Goodies. Yeah, nice "obsessive behavior" modeling

At this point in my life I've consumed enough candy that my internal workings are almost certainly coated with a sugary glaze. In fact, I'd bet that a core sample would reveal concentric layers, like the rings of a tree, each comprised of one of the confections listed above, separated by layers of marshmallow and nougat.

Mmmm, nougaty human core samples.