Wow, I’m super impatient when I’m sick. Granted, this may not be very different from the level of patients I possess when I’m healthy. But it’s definitely worse when I don’t feel well. My current ailment has yet to be formally diagnosed, but the symptoms include a sore throat, headache, cough and the overwhelming desire to hit, kick or scream at anyone that annoys me.
Of course the fact that I have a sore throat and headache has lead to an exponential increase in the number of people annoying me at any given time. Since I live alone, I can limit human contact to a point. But alas, I too must eat. Plus, for the most part, I like my friends--even when I’m sick. And so it was that I found myself at Pizza Hut earlier this week.
We didn’t realize it at the time, but it was “early release day” for the schools in town. A fact which, judging by the crowds, appears to cause a 130% increase in Pizza Hut traffic compared to a regular day. Considering my compromised health and subsequent “bitchiness,” this situation did not bode well. There where TONS of kids there of various ages. And by the amount of coughing and sneezing going on, it was obvious that I wasn’t the only one in a state of compromised health.
It turns out however, that the hordes of oozing children didn’t annoy me anywhere near as much as a single infant. And actually, it was the group of women sitting with the infant that caused the annoyance. You see, they were entertaining the child with a cell phone camera. All well in good, except that when they waved it in front of the baby’s face, the baby screeched. Or more correctly, SCREECHED!
If I hadn’t heard it with my own ears, I wouldn’t have believed that the sound the kid made was actually produced by a natural, living being. It sounded a lot more like something out of a horror movie--played three notches above the highest level, in Dolby surround sound even!
Since I was sick, the unholy sound produced a pronounced stabbing sensation in my plugged ears, which, you guessed it, really annoyed me. To make matters worse, the adults at the table continued to wave the camera in front of the devil-child. This produced additional SCREECHES, each one louder and more sinister than the last!
After 15 minutes of idiot-induced demon screeching, they finally got up and left the remaining Pizza Hut patrons in peace. I’m not sure where they were going, but if they were smart, and they clearly weren’t, they would have high-tailed it to church for consultation with an exorcist.
And truthfully, after all the bad thoughts I had about the lot of them, I probably should have headed to a church myself.
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