I was in a restaurant earlier this week and witnessed a rather odd proclamation.
Mind you, I wasn't eavesdropping, but I definitely overheard. And really, since everything the woman in question said was delivered at an obtrusively high volume, it's probably safe to assume that she's never been "under-heard," a day in her life.
Anyway, the loud talking lady was also holding a baby. She was obviously the "queen of the moment," as the other, older women, at the table were paying rapt attention to everything she said. I suspect that her queenly status was newly attained, and almost certainly tied to the newborn child that she brandished like ceremonial scepter, or tribal "talking stick."
"Onto thee elders of the barren womb, I will bespeak my gibberish and you shall listen and rejoice!"
Okay, she didn't say that, but her body language was practically screaming it.
What she actually said was,"I HATE elephants!"
I'm not sure about the topic of conversation up to that point, but from where I sat, it appeared to be a bit of a non sequitur, and not a very interesting one at that.
A statement like that could be justified if it was followed up by an tragic story or something. For instance, if a close family member or a friend had been trampled by an elephant, then yeah, I can understand the need for such a strong declaration.
Likewise, if she said she associated elephants with the circus, and the nightmare fodder that circuses unfailingly produce (including, but not limited to, clowns), then yeah, I would have been right with her.
But she didn't say anything like that. Instead she went on to ask, "you know WHY I hate elephants, don't you?"
Her loyal subjects indicated that they didn't know, but were ever-so interested in finding out.
"Well, when you see other animals, there aren't necessarily monkeys. But any time you see an elephant, there are always monkeys around."
Whaa?
Statistically, I'm not sure if that argument holds up. But putting the math aside for a moment, wouldn't her HATE be more efficiently directed at straight at monkeys? Why involve pachyderms in her hatred chain?
But now that I'm on the subject, want to know what I HATE?
I hate, self-absorbed individuals who feel the need to spout off about their inane thoughts and ridiculous ideas.
Ironic that I just posted that last sentence on a Blog...
1 comment:
I feel for the poor bastard that the elephant lady was holding. And, yes, I am absolutely positive that the child is a bastard when taking into account the statements that the elephant lady was making. There seriously is only so much stupidity that a guy can tolerate before he has to completely remove himself from a situation. I am sure that the "stupidity level scale" was maxed out when the alcohol wore off the morning after meeting this gem on an all-night drunk the prior evening. Just imagine waking up next to someone you don't know/remember and having him/her babble on about monkeys and elephants. It makes me cringe just thinking about it. That poor kid--not only will he never know his father, but he is left with a stupid, probably medicated, "spotlight ranger" mommy to guide him through his childhood on her own. Just put that kid's name on the list now......one more person who will soon take advantage of our already stressed social assistance programs........
By the way, when speaking of groups of people you hate......Why discriminate? Just hate everyone like I do.........
Your mildly optimistic friend,
Anonymous
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