Isn't it strange how many scenarios your mind can generate when presented with an unexpected noise in the house?
I'm amazed at the number of unusual noises that I've been able to identify on cue, and without investigation. Bats in the chimney (which sound surprisingly different than Birds in the chimney), shampoo bottles falling in the shower, mice in the walls (yes, I have the best house EVER!) and dishes shifting in the sink are all examples of sounds that I've managed to pick out at one time or another.
Yesterday however, I came home to a loud grinding noise. I'm talking really loud!
My mind ran down a list of potential culprits. Fireplace fan? Someone blending daiquiris? Television? Poltergeist? Rabid hell-beast? But as hard as I tried, I couldn't wrap my brain around the source of the noise.
It turns out that it was my paper shredder! Yeah, for some reason it turned itself on--which seems awfully strange, and more than a little spooky!
That said, I'm going to have to go with a Poltergeist as the most likely explanation.
But why would a Poltergeist be using a paper shredder? My guess is that it was trying to avoid id-entity theft.
Hah! Get it? A Poltergeist is a ghostly entity, and a paper shredder prevents identity theft. Combine the two and you get a joke that's slightly amusing in a third grade/Bazooka Joe/Dixie Cup sort of way. I may have missed my calling.
But back to the business at hand. I'm worried about the paper shredder. If it keeps turning itself on, it could easily overheat and burn down the house!
And then where would all the bats, birds and mice live...?
1 comment:
Definitely leave it plugged in. With any luck it will catch fire and take the house with it. After investigation reveals the cause of the fire to be the malfunctioning/possessed paper shredder, sue that company for punitive damages and retire. You might want to stay in the house while it is burning to suffer minor burns so you could also collect for pain and suffering. You should also remove any expensive electronics (provided you have any) and give to friends who give you valuable advice......Excuse me as I have to go stretch......
Post a Comment